“Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas! Step right up, little boy, and tell the President - uh, I mean, tell Santa Claus what you want for Christmas.”
“Okay. You know, you’re kind of skinny for a Santa Claus.”
“And you’re kind of old for a kid.”
“I’m not a kid. I’m the Senate Majority Leader.”
“No matter. Go ahead and tell me what you want.”
“Well, I don’t want anything for me. I already made a bundle on some fishy real estate deals. But I want lots of things for other people.”
“You’re a very good boy!”
“Man! Very good man!”
“Sorry, it’s the height. So what do you want for Christmas?”
“Just want to solve a few problems I saw in these newspaper articles I brought with me. Like, uh, well, there’s not enough public housing available. Can your elves build some?”
“Good gracious, no. You want people living in doll houses? Tell ya what, though. I’ll get more housing built. I’ll make the rich people pay for it.”
“Okay, great! Also, I see that college is getting really expensive. Now, I don’t know what elves can do about that, but–”
“Nothing. Elves make lousy teachers. They can barely reach the blackboard. But here’s what I’ll do: I’ll offer a lot more college scholarships, and I’ll make the rich people pay for it all.”
“Boy, I’m glad I brought my big list. That covers college, but you know, a lot of grade schools are having a hard time buying books these days. The teachers unions are so upset, they almost agreed to allow bad teachers to be fired. Fortunately, they came to their senses.”
“The next generation must be our first priority. Let’s buy everyone new books. I’m sure the rich don’t mind paying a little more for that.”
“Cool! Okay, let’s see … well, unemployment is running out for a lot people. I don’t think two years is really enough time to find another job.”
“Neither do I. I’ll extend the benefits for another year, and I’ll raise taxes on the rich people to pay for it.”
“Let’s see … the post office. They’re having to close branches.”
“Well, I’m not about to raise the price of stamps during a recession.”
“Oh, okay.”
“So let’s raise taxes on the rich. They probably use the mail more anyway.”
“Right! Now, when you’re climbing down a chimney, do you like ending up in a cold house?”
“Of course not.”
“Good. Because it says here a lot of the houses low-income people are living in are old and poorly insulated. That just doesn’t seem fair.”
“Hmmm, that’s tricky. New houses are expensive. Well, how about I get new insulation put in them and subsidize their heating bills in the meantime. I mean, I’ll have to make the rich people pay for it, but the way I figure it, we’re actually saving money in the long run.”
“And saving the planet!”
“Yes, saving the planet. Wouldn’t want to melt my home up there in the North Pole, would we? Ho-ho-ho!”
“Okay, as long as we’re on the environment, a lot of rural areas are still using well water.”
“Water from the ground?! In America?”
“I’m afraid so, Bar– uh, Santa.”
“That’s it, then. We’ve got the help the municipalities expand their water systems. I’ll raise taxes on the rich and call it a ’stimulus’ program.”
“Excellent idea! Jobs for everyone. But, uh, you do realize a lot more people are choosing to retire early, right?”
“Isn’t that a good thing? Make room for more employment and all that?”
“Yes, but it’s putting a strain on the social security budget. We didn’t really count on this in the actuarial tables.”
“Hmmm. Well, I don’t think we have any choice. We’ll have to raises social-security taxes on the rich.”
“Thanks, Bama Claus!”
“Santa Claus!”
“Of course. Sorry. Now, I kind of saved my big one for last. As you know, we spend way too much on health care in this country, and I’d really like to fix that.”
“How?”
“By adding another trillion dollars to the bill.”
“A trillion dollars! That’s a lot to put in your sock, my friend.”
“Okay, maybe I’m asking for too much.”
“Naw, it’s only another trillion. I’ll raise taxes on the rich.”
“Outstanding. Just one question: do we really believe the rich can pay for all these things and still have enough left over to, you know, start new businesses and invest in existing companies and do all that stuff that creates new jobs?”
“Why not? You believe in Santa Claus, don’t you?”
Lil’ Harry’s requests were gathered from recent “ain’t-it-all-so-awful” articles in our local newspaper. I wonder how our media would react if they were transported back to London in the time of Dickens. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Live Long and Prosper, and, with apologies to Tiny Tim, “God help us, every one!”
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LOL. Except that there are plenty of people (like me) who are not “choosing” to retire early.We’re getting it forced on us as our jobs get moved to India to save money! Or as one manager at my office said this morning to me and the fellow who sits opposite me, “Between the three of us we have about 100 years of experience! In other words, about as many years of experience as about 23 Indians.”
But yeah, it will save money. Still years yet though before I can think about social security. But heck, I want those extended unemployment benefits. I’ve looked out there and there are no jobs in my field!
Yup, there’s not a lot of loyalty to employees left out there. That’s one of the reasons I work for myself.